


Mindy and Danny's Book of Dating

by FakePlastikTrees



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 09:38:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1600202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FakePlastikTrees/pseuds/FakePlastikTrees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mindy and Danny are together and therefore think they have the answer to every problem in their friends' dating lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mindy and Danny's Book of Dating

 

 

There is a certain type of smug seniority that sprouts out of two people finding each other. Really find each other. People like Danny and Mindy, for example, whom after searching and searching through crowds of all the wrong people finally found the right one.

 

Though they didn’t see eye to eye in a lot of things, it couldn’t be denied that they were crazy about each other. It was a type of connection often related with matters of fate.

 

This type of clarity, however, this kind of happiness and completeness brought upon them a sort of self-appointed superiority in the world of dating. They were rich with love, sickeningly wealthy with it, so much so that it burst from their every pore. So naturally, they had to share their newly found wealth with everyone they knew. Even if they didn’t want it.

 

 

 

** Chapter One: Always Be Honest. **

 

 

“I mean, if I can speak from experience, Tamara…”

 

“Please don’t speak from experience.”

 

“…I told Danny that I’d never had sex on my kitchen counter, but then, we tried it and I knew exactly what angle to aim for so the light would hit me just right, and he just knew, you know? Then it was this whole thing, with the hand gestures and the yelling, and you know how Italian Danny is—“

 

Tamara nodded, and crossed her arms defensively over her chest while attempting to seem interested in something over Mindy’s head. The last thing she needed was her crazy boss giving her sex advice. Especially when she never asked for it.

 

“But then, after we had sex, we talked about it and we decided we’d tell each other everything. Unless, you know it has anything to do with my clothes or my overall appearance.”

 

“Aren’t y’all a little too old to take part in such strenuous sexual activity?”

 

“First of all, Tamara, I really appreciate that you’re using Tuesday’s Word of The Day. I really feel like my emails may become a thing and go viral at some point. And second of all, we are not old. I mean, Danny is a little old, but he can still function.” She smirked, leaning in secretively, “If you know what I mean.”

 

“Whatever, can I get back to work now?”

 

“Yes, just remember my advice.”

 

“What advice?”

 

“To—be honest, Tamara. Tell Ray-Ron about Morgan. You’ll be much happier.”

 

“Yeah, I’m not going to do that. I kind of like it, it keeps things interesting with Morgan.”

 

“Then why did you ask for my advice, Tamara?”

 

“I didn’t! All I did was say good morning and you dragged me into the break room to ask me about Ray-Ron!”

 

“Well, pardon me for showing a little interest, I thought we were friends.”

 

Mindy stormed out of the break room dramatically, leaving an annoyed Tamara to roll her eyes in her boss’s wake, wondering why she’d backed this hook up in the first place.

 

 

** Chapter Two: Be Open to New Experiences **

 

 

“Let me get a uh—two small French Vanilla Coffees please.”

 

“Black coffee,” Jeremy turned to look at Danny and stared quizzically as the Barista took their order.

 

“What?”

 

“Since when do you drink flavored coffee?”

 

“Mindy got me to try it once on the condition she’d go on a run with me. Now, I drink it almost every morning, I have to add a mile to my run because of the extra calories, and she pretends to run for half a block before she turns around and goes back to bed. Go figure, right?”

 

Jeremy snorted. “I can’t believe you tried to get Mindy to run in the morning.”

 

“She tried, you know? Ultimately, that’s the main thing to follow in a successful relationship, to try new things for each other. Even if they don’t stick, she tried.”

 

“For a half a block.”

 

“Jeremy—“ Danny sighed walking to the other end of the counter, a condescending smirk on his face as he reached out to affectionately squeeze Jeremy’s arm, “—that’s what your problem is. You expect too much from people, and that’s why you’re single.”

 

“I don’t expect too much from people, I don’t expect anything aside from a good night’s none sleep, you know what I mean?”

 

Danny shrugged as their orders were called. “I don’t know what you mean, I’m an adult, my friend. You know what I’m saying? I’m in an adult relationship. You should try it.”

 

“No, that’s quite alright, chap.”

 

“Come on! Hey, look, Mindy and I are having a little get together Friday night, we have a friend, Molly, nice girl from Staten, a lawyer. Huh? You interested?”

 

“Is she female?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Then I’m interested.”

 

“Great. You’ll love her. It’s time to grow up, huh?”

 

Danny chuckled and Jeremy joined him in his mirth for about a second before he turned away, rolled his eyes.

 

 

 

** Chapter Three: Be Yourself. **

 

Mindy strolled into Peter’s office to catch he and Betsy in the midst of a interesting seeming conversation, a conversation they decided to stop as soon as she was within earshot.

 

“Hey,” she greeted the pair, blissfully unaware of the look of utter irritation on Peter’s face, “Why did you stop talking? Are you guys talking about me behind my back?” She joked, however, the facetiousness of it was lost on Betsy, and she became quickly alarmed.

 

“Doctor Lahiri, I would ‘never’ say anything negative behind your back.”

 

“I know, Betsy, I was just joking.”

 

“Oh—“

 

“Anyway, what’s new guys? Fill me in on the 411.”

 

“Well, Doctor Prentice was just telling me about his girlfriend’s bad sleeping habits—“

 

“Shh—Betsy! What did I tell you?”

 

“I’m sorry, when you said ‘this stays in this room’ I thought you meant whoever comes inside it can know.”

 

“No, no one can know, especially Mindy!”

 

“Hey!” Mindy protested, dropping her bag and coat into the empty seat to Betsy’s right, “What the hell, man!”

 

“No offense, Mindy, but ever since you and Danny have been dating, you’ve turned into two weirdly horny Doctor Phils, and frankly, everybody hates you guys.”

 

“Not me, I don’t hate you—“

 

Mindy’s jaw dropped, her mouth forming a perfect oh, scandalized. “How dare you? Everyone knows we’re a perfect couple. Just the other day, an old lady at the park called us precious.”

 

“She called Danny precious. She thought he was a little boy.”

 

“I resent that—“

 

“I’m not going to tell you! I want to keep you as a friend, and if I have to hear about the joys of being able to share a toothbrush one more time, I’m going to take that fancy belt of yours, and hang myself from your office doorframe, so you’re reminded, everyday, of the friend whose death you caused.”

 

“Fine. Peter. I had no idea that was how you felt. I will—depart now.” She indignantly grabbed her coat off the chair, then her purse, side-glancing both Peter and a worried looking Betsy as she very slowly walked towards the door. “I will take my very valuable advice with me.”

 

Peter sighed and finally, reluctantly, called out to his friend, stating dryly, “Fine. I’ll tell you.”

 

Perking right up, Mindy turned on her heel and shut the door, as if she’d be able to keep this to herself for more than an hour anyway. “Really?”

 

“Yes. But you do not get to give me advice of any kind. I don’t care. I’m not looking for psychological help, I just need to let it out, and vent to a friend. Okay? Got it?”

 

“Got it, got it, I won’t Doctor Phil you. I’m more the silent type, like Oprah though, just so we have that straight.”

 

“Whatever, I guess I’m just having trouble adjusting an actual mature relationship. Like, for example, I can’t just break into adorable spontaneous burping contests, or use the F word around the baby. And now they’re starting to spend the night so I’m thinking of getting a bigger place, or at least bring down the posters of naked chicks I have on my bedroom wall.”

 

Mindy stared back, applying her best Oprah listening pose to the situation, which consisted of her holding her hands together as she frowned thoughtfully and nodded her head, “Mmh-hmm, mmh-hmm, yeah.”

 

“Just say something, I know you’re dying to infiltrate this entire thing with your nonsense.”

 

“Well, since you asked, Peter, I think it’s a good idea to—change everything about yourself because it will make your girlfriend very happy and ultimately, that’s all that matters.”

 

“Get out.”

 

“What—“

 

“Just get out of my office, go find your boyfriend.”

 

 

 

** Chapter Four: Never Fight In Public **

 

 

They threw their first party as couple, and they took great pride in the fact that everything was perfect. The drinks, enough ice, food was minimal but just—enough. And even better, their guest list was just the right combination of singles and couples, with especially just the perfect ratio of eligible singles, both gay and straight. Anyone could basically go home with someone and Mindy was especially proud of that part of it.

 

Everything was worked out ‘til the last detail, mostly by Mindy, who left Danny in charge of drinks and food while she managed the guest situation. Which was why Jeremy and Molly not hitting it off was obviously Jeremy’s fault and not any misguided notion on either Mindy or Danny’s part.

 

“I just think you’re being a little ridiculous.”

 

“No, Mindy, do you know what’s ridiculous? The incessant way you keep lecturing everyone about his or her love life! It’s perverse!”

 

“That’s not perverse. Now, what I did to Danny last night. That was perverse. Ask him—“

 

“Please, stop.”

 

“I mean, it was _dirty_ …”

 

“Yes, I remember, I have an idea.”

 

“No, you really don’t. I was on like, level 5 with you, I’ve really cranked it up.”

 

“Mindy!”

 

“Hey, Molly just left, what the hell, man?” Danny demanded joining the two, standing by the piano, while the rest of the party mingled around freely.

 

Jeremy sighed, exasperated, and took a large gulp of Doctor Dan’s Winter Wonderland Ale before wincing at the bitter taste of it. “Danny, this is terrible, first of all, and second, what makes you think it was something I did? We didn’t hit it off, you were wrong, that’s all.”

 

“That’s impossible!”

 

“The thing is, it is actually very possible that you could be wrong about this, because you’re wrong about everything! The only thing you two know about relationships, is that you should be in one with each other because you’re both insane.”

 

“Well, excuse us for trying to set up a friend with another friend—“

 

“Yeah!” Mindy chimed in, “We just won’t set you up anymore!”

 

“Thank you! That is exactly what I want! Just focus on your own thing and enjoy the honeymoon phase while at last because pretty soon you’re going to be fighting about Danny’s weird art.”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with my art—“

 

“Yeah you’re right.”

 

“What?” Danny asked, turning to Mindy now, honestly wondering what could possibly be wrong with the paintings hanging on his walls. He’d taken a great deal of time deciding on those.

 

“What? Danny, come on, some of these are really, really ugly.”

 

“What about Girl on Bike?”

 

“Ugh, that ugly smudge business you have hanging in the hall? Danny, I hate it so much.”

 

“What!”

 

“SO much. That’s the first thing that goes.”

 

“Fine, in that case, that framed picture you have of Katy Perry on your nightstand goes.”

 

“Danny, that’s my daily beauty inspiration!”

 

“You’re not twelve years old, it goes.”

 

“Well, you’re not eighty years old, so that shawl you keep in your closet that you think I don’t know about goes.”

 

“That’s not a shawl, that’s my nap blanket!”

 

“Not making it better, Danny!”

 

Jeremy turned and casually walked away from the argument that would surely turn into a big dust cloud as it evolved into a full-blown fight. It wasn’t that Jeremy was happy that they were fighting; it was just that, he was happy they finally had something to keep them occupied and away from him. They’d make up anyway.

 

 

** Chapter Five: Never Go to Bed Angry. **

 

 

“Well—“ Mindy started, panting heavily up at Danny’s kitchen ceiling, her dress ripped a little at the shoulder, her hair fanned out against the hardwood floor while Danny laid spread out beside her, equally breathless and disheveled—sweaty. “—We’re good at making up.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, we are.”

 

“I don’t think our friends are ready for our wisdom, Danny.”

 

“They don’t deserve it.”

 

“Nope.”

 

Danny reached for Mindy’s hand, their fingers easily entwining as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the lightness good make up sex always left him with. “I’ll get rid of Girl on Bike.”

 

“You love Girl On Bike.”

 

“I love you more.”

 

Mindy turned to him then and smiled lazily. “I’ll keep Katy in a drawer.”

 

“Deal.” He said and sealed their accordance with a kiss.

 

“Danny, we should write a book about relationships. We’re Doctors. People would buy it. We’d make a fortune and then we could buy this entire building and I could have an entire floor for just my clothes.”

 

“Min, I don’t think the world is ready for what we have to offer.”

 

END.


End file.
